WASTEFUL GOVERNMENT SPENDING
BY LARRY KUNTZMAN
Why do we need an ambulance that can go from 0 to 100 mph in 2.5 seconds? This thing has a top speed of
975 mph. What in the world is this place coming to anyway. Our city spent $100,000,000.97 for this dam
thing. I tell you that our people in the Government are going crazy. They are all a bunch of lunatics. The
power plant is a V99 with 188 4 barrel Holly carburetors. It has 396 valves with dual overhead cams.
The fuel is a special blend of 1,000,000 octane gasoline, 900 proof white lightning, 2,000% Nitro Methane
and one drop of 100 year old imported Scotch whisky from Wisconsin. Watch out Don Perone, you are
going to meet your match.
The worst thing about this whole affair is finding someone to drive this thing. Who in the hell is going to
teach anyone to drive it? Making turns is going to be hairy because this thing is 90 feet long. That is longer
than "The Long, Long Trailer". I hope we don't have to pay royalties to Desi-Lu Productions. Don't try and
take this baby out in the woods camping; although it would come in handy if you were bitten by a poisonous
snake. Don't forget that it will pass every thing on the road but the gas station.
If you are accident prone or a bad driver don't go to Apathyville unless you want the hairest ride you ever
More at eleven O' clock.